The World Peace Religious Symbol

Intellectuals and pseudo-intellectuals all over this world’s greatest superpower-wannabe, India, have written about various religious symbols and why we must work hard to either offend them or NOT offend them. Now which ever side of the argument you are on, I must offer you the complete freedom to make fun of my religious symbol.

Rupa Frontline Underwear (And Banyan).

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Yes, this is my religious symbol. Now before I get into further details explaining this pious deity, let me clarify what a religious symbol exactly is.

‘Something’ you have to worship everyday, ‘something’ you must pay heed to when you wake up from a drunken night’s sleep, ‘something’ you have to value more than anything else in your cupboard, ‘something’ that must be with you everyday. The only problem with this religious symbol is that you can’t carry around the same deity everyday. Change one deity for a duplicate deity, and life’s good.

And hence nothing qualifies more so, in my life at least, than Rupa Frontline.

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Yeh Aaram Ka Maamla Hai is the accompanying prayer. My religious symbol offers no compulsion to say the prayer everyday but it is recommended that the prayer be said so that whatever maamla you are involved in has a lot of aaram too. And mind you, Rupa Frontline has answered all my prayers. Simply because it is always there, everyday.

You can even buy this religious symbol [here], and make it your own. And pray everyday to it. While the symbol of peace and religion (?) is largely white, Rupa Frontline offers varieties in several colours (including pink) and you can see why the union of Rupa Frontline with World Peace is inevitable. [Last I checked, World Peace is NOT an undergarments brand. Yet.]

And I’m not too touchy about my religious symbol. You can make fun of my religious symbol and you will not find me amassing foot soldiers of the Rupa Frontline Protection Army (RFPA) to burn your house down or kidnap your mother-in-law or something like that.

All Time Number One Bollywood actor Shah Rukh Khan, who is himself seen as a symbol of religious unity across the world [here], agrees with me entirely. “I agree with you, dude”, he says while opening his arms wide (the one where the arms go in opposite directions directly parallel to the below-the-belt area and perpendicular to the ground) for the 2,23,417th time for a movie scene he is currently shooting.

So, in the spirit of fairness and the spirit of Fair-N-Handsome creams, I firmly believe that the best way to a peaceful world is the adoption of Rupa Frontline as a universal religious symbol by the thousands and millions of human beings (and Uday Choprian creatures).

Buy now!

PS: Rupa has a YouTube channel, too.

[Pictures Courtesy: Google Search]

Namithanomics

I have read a lot of posts on who people admire when they were growing up. And inspired by so many of those repeated ones, I thought I’d pen down some words on who I admire a lot since I have grown up (if you can put the age of 24 in the ‘grown ups’ category).

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Her name is Namita Mukeshbhai Vankawala. Now, you may have not heard of this name. Hardcore fans like me have. She is known by her more popular name – NAMITHA. And, NAMITHA, mind you, IS A GOD FOR ME. Period. Why I mention her full name here (which I learned from Wikipedia instantly) is because she was born in Gujarat (which happens to be my state, by the way) and carries all the typical name-qualities of a Gujarati. For example, putting the bhai in Mukeshbhai is an archetypal Gujju technique of ensuring we match up to ‘fellow Indians in the South’ (which is a more polite term to use and will get me lesser sambhar cups thrown in my direction by the DMK) names in the Battle For Longer Full Names.

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This woman is fascinating, I must tell you. Like how Uday Chopra is the Uday Chopra of Bollywood, Namitha goes completely in the opposite direction by raising satisfaction levels to highs they’ve never seen before. She makes the creator of the term ‘Massive Mammaries’ bow all of his heads in shame. And gives me the creative space to create a new term – Ubermassive Mammaries. Yeah okay, it’s not that creative.

If the Indian middle class can’t spend a day without seeing one Bollywood movie or another or more, I’m sure Namitha fans can’t spend a night without taking a glance at her photos on Google and other websites that contain the kind of Indian masala that isn’t available in a spices market.

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Such is her diverse array of talents that she can be successful in any film industry that has better standards than Bollywood. She has starred in Telugu, Tamil, Kannada, Hindi, Malayalam AND English films (Source: Wikipedia) and has even contested the Miss India pageant (Again source: Wikipedia). On dull Facebook days, it only takes a Namitha picture on her fan page to cheer me up. On dull Twitter days, I go to Google. She even makes Mallika Sherawat appear Mallika Sherawat-less!

The rise of Namitha is one of the most un-narrated stories in the Indian cinematic landscape. It is blasphemous that so many overrated models and actors get so much mainstream media coverage while Namitha is hardly ever there. Where she deserves to be. Whether in a saree or a police uniform or a bikini or merely taking a bath in front of the camera, Namitha is as glamorous as one can be and oozes ooze.

And some more.

Pictures Courtesy: [Google Image Search: Hot Namitha]

The Indian Revolution

So, Egypt’s Hosni Mubarak is out. End of tyranny. Toppled by a no-matter-what-they-say-but-this-was-genuine peoples’ movement. The Army takes over. But is the future secure?

Probably, no.

Revolutions are characteristic of radical changes. And Egypt is certainly witnessing the best of one. While a whole country celebrates a triumph of a kind, the world watches on with great interest.

And so does India.

The peoples of this republic will certainly be wondering, while glued to their TV sets or chatting away in coffee shops, what it would be like to just get together on the streets of thousands of cities and towns, waving the India flag with much joy and calling for the ouster of hundreds of those corrupt, senile office-bearers in this supposed-to-be-great institution called the Government of India.

And that is even our right. We have a right to protest, which must be used. We have a right to speak our mind against the perennially erring, which must be used. We, however, do not possess a ‘right to revolution’ simply because this is a constitutional democracy that calls for sorting out all of our problems through constitutional means. There is absolutely no need for a revolution, which may cause loss of lives, time, public money and property and even bring the nation to a halt.

So what do we do, one asks. Reforms. In a democracy, reforms is the way ahead. And while we may have a set of people (in Government or otherwise) entirely dedicated to ensure reforms don’t go through, we must persist. And there are solutions. Corruption? Cut government spending and reduce the size of the institution. Scandals? Firmer implementation of the Rule of Law (which in my opinion, must be linked directly to growth), and consequently the implementation of punishments handed out to offenders while respecting their democratic right to appeal.

In a democracy, a ‘revolution’ may be slow but it mostly always is for the better. In a dictatorship, one cannot predict which way the ‘swing’ will happen. And many countries around the world offer opportune examples of failed ‘revolutions’. Structure must be maintained, and for that the idea of a revolution is redundant. And that is what makes it entirely absurd to consistently maintain a thought like ‘People must topple the Government’. What, even when the people themselves are responsible for the Government? And if there does actually exist a sincere willingness to change leaders – Vote.

The republic must be protected from a revolution by firmly implementing exactly what our cynical selves struggle to believe these days – that politicians (who are elected representatives of the very same people who complain again and again about the lack of change) can work for good and the ones who don’t must be shunned entirely when elections come calling, that the problem of corruption can be overcome by reforms implemented with speed and conviction, that the Constitution of India has all the solutions and can bring in more solutions through civilized, democratic means.

That there can, and will, be change.

Cry, My Divided

Over the last couple of years, I’ve become accustomed to tweeting over blogging. It could be general laziness to pen long write-ups (which is what I will be doing for a living, actually), or scattered thoughts unable to occupy their space in a well-constructed, thought-out piece that isn’t 140 characters long.

But, it is being on Twitter that has made me more observatory than I ever was. And I have to say, most of what I read is downright cynical with not a shred of hope in it. Hell, it’s even got into my writing. The Indian Twitteratti, as it appears, is a firmly divided lot that may unite for the barest of minimums when a Sachin Tendulkar kisses the India flag on his jersey after notching up yet another record-breaking century, but is firmly entrenched and happy in it’s divisions.

And that, sadly, is evident in thousands of tweets. There is a Right, a Left, an apathetic lot, a happy bunch and some who are just plainly sad and frustrated. The moment a slightly sensitive issue props up in the mainstream media, there will come an avalanche of tweets attempting to rip any genuineness in the issue to shreds. Maybe, this has just become a way of moving on rather easily. And continuing to believe the greatest fallacy of our times – that life is easy.

The problem with divisions is that they only ensure greater determination to the parties that hold forth their point of view, no matter how ridiculous and detrimental to other important causes. While it is absolutely vital and democratic to have a point of view, it is not necessary (keeping basic sensibilities in mind) that the said point of view means something. Even matter of fact-ly, it may mean nothing.

This is probably the most negative side of fundamentalism, which breeds such disregard for what actually may be an issue of concern to many. A firmly entrenched lot will just not believe in any seriousness in the issue, because they’ve molded themselves in that way.

Increased bigotry, increased disgust, increased apathy, increased suffering – increased hatred. This is what one ends up with, and the ones who are actually responsible merely disperse themselves among the noises of the voices. The next time they are screaming about something, you’ve already forgotten what they were culpable for.

And that, is the greatest tragedy of them all.