Lessons from China

I recently undertook a trip to the Chinese capital of Beijing. And I have made a few observations about our ‘dear’ neighbour in connection with India and her people:

-> By nature, the Chinese appear very ignorant of the world. It doesn’t seem like they are well-informed. If you think they know India (or even care about it), you can forget that fact.

-> They are very focused on their work. Not for nothing is China progressing. The infrastructure in Beijing is worth admiring. There is no doubt about the fact that the people choose to believe in the system over faces, which is exactly the opposite our quintessential Indian habit of trusting a face over a system.

-> Everything is well-organized. The Chinese display a natural tendency to behave and obey orders pretty well. While this obviously restricts individual development (unlike in India and the United States), but it also allows chaos to move out of the way.

-> I know we can never trust China as a nation. History is enough proof for that. But there is a lot we can learn from the Chinese people as a whole.

-> On the negative side, there is poverty all around. And Beijing is also as polluted, as it is organized. The communist society in China doesn’t appear entirely classless. Moreover, educated Chinese people who have gone abroad have realized their self-worth, which has made them mildly anti-socialist. My tour guide was one such person.

Overall, it was a learning experience. And I must concede that development-wise, China is ahead of India. Even the most patriotic person in me will just have to acknowledge that fact.

Epic IPL Personalities: Alternative Career Options


In today’s IPL special, this blog suggests that the good people on screen in the IPL consider these career options for better success in their lives.

NITA AMBANI – PARANORMAL ACTIVITY 2 LEAD STAR

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The Queen of the Ambani household (wait, is that Kokilaben? ahh! who cares!) should forego her current job as ‘Official Mumbai Indians Staring Device’ and take the lead role in Paranormal Activity 2. Yes, the horror flick’s roles are just being cast and it seems the producers are keen on signing up Mrs. Ambani for their epic.

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If Mrs. Ambani wants her real-life husband, Mukesh, to also play the reel-life role (and because he seems pretty capable as seen above), then we should allow that. If not for the movie’s sake, at least for Mumbai Indians’ sake. But one wonders how the crew will be able to film the scene where a completely possessed Nita might have to fling beer-belly Mukesh at the camera. Anyway, they’ll do something I hope. They can always fake the scene and throw a huge Toysaurus toy bear at the camera!

AYUSHMANN KHURRANA – DOG FOOD TESTER

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SuperMan AyushMann should leave bumble-jumble commentary, where he makes more mistakes than a 1st-grade toddler learning Primarily Primary English Course 1, and test dog food for a change.

Yes, the Dog Party of India (DPI) is indeed delighted to have an official tester. The whole community responded with a night-full of barking, with street dogs leading the way.

DPI leader Bhaukta Kutta has said in the media that they didn’t entirely trust the dog food doing the rounds in the market. As it is an industry run by humans, DPI has stated that they want human testers. And who better than numb nut Ayushmann Khurrana! With the number of extra letters in his name, you’d really sound like a dog barking if you took his name every now and then.

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Ayushmann is apparently licking his fingers at the prospect of licking dog food. That’s healthy enthusiasm for a new career!

LALIT KUMAR MODI – SNAKE MILKER

Lalit Kumar Modi. The man who milked India (and the entire cricket world) for money, should now give a hand at milking snakes. Maybe, he can save lives if he takes the venom out of snakes. Given his penchant for milking, Modi might prove to be a revolutionary in the Snake Milking business (and hopefully get poisoned for good himself!).

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LK Modi was smug (see reaction in pic above) when asked about milking snakes. In typical fashion, he stated that he can milk the hell out of anything. Wonder what will happen when Modi comes face to face with this little one below. Should be an epic clash!

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Meanwhile, the snakes are waiting to be milked, Mr. Modi. Hope you return in time for IPL 4!

NAVJOT SINGH SIDHU – PIG MASSEUSE

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This speech-marathon-winning ex-cricketer thinks he can make us laugh. And he can sometimes. But he is best left to massaging street pigs of all shapes and sizes. If nothing, pig grunts will make Sidhu  way more happier than the dull audience reaction he gets from us.

His saliva glands (which are operating at super-low reserve petrol level) can breathe a sigh of relief too, as Sidhu is more likely to make only maniacal hand gestures when massaging pigs’ noses and bottoms than those lip/mouth ones. Apparently, the pigs are excited at this potential new industry, coming up in their rather dull lives. Post-Swine Flu, things have been very quiet. And with Sidhuji leading the way, all we can say is – Bada Changaa Hai Jee!!

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Notice to Pigs: Congratulations! Sidhuji has opened shop. Now, take a look at Sidhuji’s hands for potential Sidhu-Flu causing germs. You’ve been warned.

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OH BOY!! They are queuing up. First-come-first-serve, dudes and dudettes!!

To Be Continued… :)

PS: I have no alternative career, sadly. But you can follow me on Twitter for random nonsense. Or visit my other blog, for a change.

Why #IPL doesn’t trend on Twitter

Key figures in the IPL held a discussion (not covered in mainstream media) on why the IPL doesn’t trend on Twitter at all.

lalitmodi2 – This is frustrating. After owning the entire India and the entire cricket world, I can’t understand why we can’t own Twitter. We should be trending consistently.

ayushmann – Sir, maybe Twitter users are tired of these ads and terms that we keep using. I just woke up from sleep and I was taking a dump. And I told my commode that it took a Karbonn Kamaal catch!

angad – HAHAHA! You didn’t say that, Ayush? Did you? That’s a Citi Moment of Success. Or Shitty. :D :D

ayushmann- Abey saale, has ley!! Tujhe toh Extraaa Innnings me hona hi nahi chahiye!

lalitmodi2 – Guys, this issue is no joke. I need to get to the bottom of this. We must own Twitter.

gaurav – Why is this #MyBoobsAreFor trending? Maybe this is one of those IPL trends.

samir – Haha. #MyBoobsAreFor is trending? I must get on Twitter now. This should be fun. Geeheehee!

lalitmodi2- You crazy nut. Are you paid to joke around?? And who is that blue-eyed buffoon you have brought along? This is a secret meeting!

samir- He is my good friend, sir. He won’t say anything to anybody. Promise. Sachhi.

lalitmodi2- Get him out of here!!! Or it’ll cost you your job, Sameer! As it is, you appear too weird on screen.

samir2 – Right sir, point noted. Err, weird??

SRK – I have thousands of followers on Twitter, Lalit. I usually talk to them about dreams/sleep/Knights and stuff. Maybe, I could help the IPL trend.

lalitmodi2 – That would be fantabulousastic, SRK! Do that, will you? I will also tweet consistently to my followers.

angad3 – I will also set up a Twitter account, sir. The other day #AngadBediisGod was trending. Awesome! By Gawd, amazing hai ji!

lalitmodi4 – Dude, what’s with that sick moustachio you’ve got on you?

angad2 – Lalitji, mera beta is chosen for Mangal Pandey 2. I just heard the announcement. Even I, when promoting him through my family name, didn’t think ki yeh itna sahi launda hai!!

lsiva – Sir, my commentary team thinks we are not publicizing enough on Twitter. I think you should take some of mine or Ravi Shastri’s soundbytes and tweet them regularly. What about IPL bots? Do we have any IPL bots?

ravishastri – High-five on that, Siva! Totally agree with you. We should do that. I love commentary. Would love commentary tweets even more! No need of bots. I want to do commentary on Twitter!!

lalitmodi4 – Who’s the officer next to you, Ravi? Have you done something wrong again?

lsiva – HAHA. Lalitji, some people filed a case against Ravi for ‘Overenthusiastic, Mindbogglingly Simple-Yet-Complex Cricket Commentary’. He was asked to explain. I think he’s there right now.

cutegirl – Hello, Laleetji. I think you need cheerleaders from the East in the mix. I could help you with that.

lalitmodi5 – Well hello my beautiful lady. What is your name? Also, give me your phone number. Also, give me your hand.

ayushmann – There he goes again! *winks*

lalitmodi4 – AYUSH!!!! STFU, you *$#&^$^*($&! Have you forgotten I’m your boss?!!?! :X 

gaurav – Hahahahahahaha…… :) :)

samir2 – EPIC LOL! ROFL!

Somebody interrupts…

lalitmodi2  – Hello, who are you? Are you supposed to be here?

justinbieber – Hey, Lalit. I AM SUPPOSED TO BE EVERYWHERE. AND MY NAME IS…

SRK – KHAN?

justinbieber – No, dude. That’s pretty lame-ass. My name is JUSTIN BIEBER. And IPL doesn’t trend on Twitter BECAUSE I DO!

gaurav – Yeah? But what about the other trends? ‘I love’, ‘America dies for’, ‘#MyBoobsArePropertyOf’??

justinbieber – ALL ARE FOR ME! #PAWNAGE! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

And that is why the #IPL doesn’t trend on Twitter.

Mind you, they are trying hard though……

Follow me on Twitter. *winks*